Contact Us
We're always here for you.* (*We are never here for you.)
Thank you for wanting to reach out. Connection is at the very heart of everything we do, which is precisely why we have made it completely impossible.
Our Customer Delight team is currently at an offsite. The offsite has no end date. We are beginning to suspect the offsite is a state of mind.
Ways to reach us
📞 Phone: Our lines are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. We simply never gave anyone the number.
📧 Email: We had one once. It reached inbox zero by quietly deleting itself, and honestly we respect that.
💬 Live chat: An agent is "typing…" right now. An agent will be "typing…" forever. Please hold.
📍 Headquarters: A coworking space that shut down in 2019. We never left. Security has stopped asking.
🕊️ Carrier pigeon: Accepted. Bird must have 3 to 5 years of relevant experience. Unpaid.
Okay, fine. A real one.
Average response time: 4 to 6 business decades. But this form genuinely works and lands in a real inbox. Use it for anything real: a post you want taken down, a question, or a compliment about our logo.